Cranky and Crabby

I am so crabby right now I cannot even stand myself. I know it is TOM doing the talking but I am ready to punch a hole in the wall...everything and everyone is bugging me!!!! I am struggling in a huge way with a clean diet and I am wondering once again if it is for me right now. A little history about me...I have lifted weights for the last decade or so. In those ten years I have had two kids. With the first baby, I lost the baby weight by following WW and then after I lost the initial weight I leaned out with a clean diet. I am 15 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight with baby number two. I had put on a few pounds before getting pregnant with him so really only ten away from there. Here is my issue. For 18 months I have made attempts to lose this extra weight by eating chicken, green beans, egg whites, protein shakes etc... for 18 months I have lost and gained, lost and gained. During this time I have had three close friends follow a WW plan and lose many more pounds than I need to lose...I get the building muscle, metabolism boosting...I get it all. What I don't get is myself and I end up eating too many calories in a day when I eat clean until four o'clock and then I eat five girl scout cookies etc... tony would like me to listen to mp3's and to talk about this until I am blue in the face. I am just tired of thinking about it ALL of the time. I am tired of feeling guilty ALL of the time and I am TIRED of feeling like I have failed ALL of the time. I know I can lose the last pounds if I follow the WW plan and I know I will lose some muscle. I guess this is where I am right now....the next ten week are the ten busiest of the year for me. We begin showing our horses on the winter circuit and between riding, working, being a mom, managing our barn of horses and being invited to endless food events I don't know if I can be the chicken eating fool I know I should be. I do know that since last April, I have woken up everyday with the intention of eating clean, with the intention of becoming so lean my abs would wow the world and since April I am exactly the same...I am emotional over this tonight because I am sick of the energy this is taking...I don't feel like I have the energy. I just want to lose ten pounds the way I have always succeeded. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow and try it that way. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow and have the motivation that Martha, Beka, Reese, April and Stacey have found. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow morning and this horrible mood will be gone and I can again be nice to my kids, my husband and my dogs.

Slave to Chicken

I am a slave to my diet. Tony has me eating smaller portions and every 1.5 hours. I am working out tonight after kiddos are in bed so let me tell you how excited I am about my MRP. It will be such a treat. I have found the most unbelievable protein. There is Chisel chocolate, mocha leano mmmmmm! check out Priscilla at www.starbodies.com. She is really unique, lean and a sweetheart. It is fun to be on her mailing list...she sends some pretty inspirational stuff. She has an interesting workout philosophy. She works full body, one set, really heavy, three times a week. She stays away from cardio except for intervals at the end of her workout. I am no advocating another workout plan (Since we are Dreambody Gals) however, I find it intersting to look at how others achieve "perfection." Hey, did anyone watch wife swap last night? One of the wives was a figure competitor and some of her obsessive behavior made me laugh. That show is so funny. Shoulders today...still on the agenda. The horseshow season is underway and that means by 3:00 I have ridden and ridden and it wipes me out!

ESP

I swear...Tony has e.s.p. I get an email this morning asking me, so what was it? Pizza? wine? He totally knows me and totally knows I gave in to the temptation. I need to prove I can have a perfect week. He has tweeked my eating to consuming smaller portions every 1.5 hours. I start tomorrow. OK my fellow tony friends...stay on my back. I am the only one that has not eaten clean. You have my permission to hound me! Today the kids are off so I am going to take them to the South Florida Fair. Lots of fair food...none for me. Don leaves for four days so I will be running like crazy since he helps so much as he works at home. I can eat clean, I want the lean body more than the crap, right? more later!!!

Staying Focused

Today my eating was not perfect...and it is 9:30 and I need to complete today's workout. I did not eat anything I wasn't supposed to, I just did not eat enough and at the right times. All of that comes from not having the food prepared and ready to go. This is usually where I start to get sloppy-but that is not going to happen this time, right? We are having perfect weather down here. It is in the 70's and cool. This makes up for the sweltering days of September when this midwestern girl was missing the changing leaves. The horses love it and there are thousands pulling into town for the Winter Equestrian Festival. It really is amazing. I am like a kid in a candy store. This is my favorite time of year. Thanks to all of my new Tony following friends..it is motivating to share this journey with you!!!

Throw the Scale out the Window

Why is it that getting on the scale in the morning can define your mood for the whole day? It really is ridiculous. Tony told me to go ahead and weigh myself. He finds that I am better with a lot of accountability so that is how weekly weigh ins have become a part of my plan. I was sure I would see a loss of at least 2 pounds...NO .8 to be exact. Oh well, it must mean that my body cannot let go of this hard earned excess baggage! The workouts are going awesome...my eating is right on track so something has to move here. As tony told me, it is just science! Leave it to my body to defy the rules of science!!!

The Crazy Quest For Fitness

Today is the first day of a lot of things...mostly the first day that I will become accountable to myself for my fitness goals. This blog is going to be just for that reason...I am finally going to get my hind end in gear and reach the end of the line! I am working with Tony from www.dreambodies.net and he has informed me that I MUST stay accountable with this attempt or I am to be fired!!! I am sick of being in a bad mood when my jeans are too tight...I am sick of starting over again and again only to end up where I started and most of all I need to keep my promises to myself. I want to be a better wife, mother and friend. It starts with me and how I feel about me...that is why I begin this journey. I am not sure if anyone will find this blog and read it but it will chart my progress...I will complete this journey that is a promise.